11 “The Pharisee stood by himself and prayed this prayer: ‘I thank you, God, that I am not a sinner like everyone else. For I don’t cheat, I don’t sin, and I don’t commit adultery. I’m certainly not like that tax collector!”
13 “But the tax collector stood at a distance and dared not even lift his eyes to heaven as he prayed. Instead, he beat his chest in sorrow, saying, ‘O God, be merciful to me, for I am a sinner.’” Luke 8:11, 13 (NLT)I am someone who is very familiar with negative self-talk -- what woman doesn’t struggle with that voice in her head telling her she’s not spiritual enough, thin enough, organized enough, or is a horrible mother? I also struggle with the Pharisee attitude, I just don’t usually stand on a street corner to do it. Nope, it’s inside my head: Wow, these Hollywood types are really messed up. My friends are getting a divorce. Someone at church is not living the Christian life as I define it. I’m SO glad my child didn’t turn out like theirs.
According to Jesus, I am more likely to be reconciled with the Father if I have wandered far away, royally messed up and then truly laid my black heart out before Him, than if I live a churchgoing yet self-absorbed, smug existence. I will be justified in His eyes only if I learn from the outcast tax collector, who beat his chest in grief and shame and couldn’t even lift his eyes to heaven. I’m getting the message that instead of self worth, what I should be aiming for is self truth -- seeing myself as I really am in the eyes of The One Who Matters, asking forgiveness, and doing what it takes to make sure His heart and mine are united.
Father, I am no better than anyone else out there in Your world. Please help me to daily seek your forgiveness and grace and to look to You for the true understanding of who I am.
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